Thursday, December 6, 2012

Deep Breaths

Ecard: I love watching you play video games after I've spent a long day in the office and all night cooking dinner. Said no one ever. 

Some times as wives it is easy to cast our husbands into stereotypes.
{I'm sure that my husband can easily cast me into one...or three}

Several months after J & I were married, we were finally settling down into a "normal" routine.
We were both only working one job and it had actual set hours.

When John got home from work, I was in the kitchen preparing dinner.
He came in, greeted me, changed out of his work clothes and zoned out in front of his video game.

It was really easy for me to get frustrated and angry that I'm working in the kitchen and he is playing a game.

After several nights of frustration (and shoving his plate at him with a tad bit too much passive aggressive anger), I stopped and put myself in his shoes. I was about to yell across the house at him to please bring his toosh to the kitchen and help {in those exact words, I'm sure...}. Instead, I stopped took a deep breath and thought about it.

What I didn't tell you, and what I wasn't seeing myself, when I was wrapped up in my frustration, was the big picture.
John was getting up and leaving the house before I was even out of bed in the mornings.
Each and every day he had at least an hour drive in terrible traffic to get to & from work.

I on the other hand, had a leisurely morning schedule and a twenty minute commute (most of which is through the country side, traffic? what's traffic) to and from work.
When I got home each afternoon, I usually beat John home by at least thirty minutes.
I came in, changed into comfy clothes and spent a good few minutes reading before making it to the kitchen.

It would have been very unfair to declare that he didn't get video games, when I had gotten unwind time too. Just because it isn't convenient for me, doesn't mean I should punish him.

Do you ever have trouble recognizing double standards you have for your husband?


  1. My husband and I actually read this book together called Love and Respect (sorry can't remember the author). It basically teaches this principle plus how women have pink glasses and hearing aides and men have blue and how in a relationship we have to step outside ourselves...saved our marriage

  2. Yep, I definitely have that problem. And he often does more work around the house than I do (oh--I hate to admit that!). I'm glad I have a patient husband.

    "Love and Respect" is good stuff! I haven't read the book (it's by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs), but we listened to audio from one of the conferences before we got married. We even incorporated "love" and "respect" into our otherwise traditional marriage vows.

  3. Hi there! I'm Hanna. I found you through Tuesday's blog hop, I'm just really late:) I love making new friends!!! I am your newest follower via GFC. Happy Holidays! You can find me at

    xooxo Hanna

  4. Probably. Probably don't even realize it.


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