Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Living the Journey {fears}

Do you have an irrational fear? Or maybe it isn't irrational, you know exactly why you're afraid of that particular something.

I have my fair share.
I hate flying! It is such a trust - to put your life entirely into someones care and to be utterly helpless and defenseless. (Oh, and if you share this fear, don't put yourself through watching Flight, trust me!)

I'm not exactly the most relaxed during storms. There is just something about the unknown. And hello, "Act of God" there is a reason insurance companies call it that - it is beyond our control!

Doctors. Something about going to the doctor makes me so uneasy. Even for a routine check up. I go out of my way to make sure that I am the most comfortable I can be when I visit the doctor. I research the practice, the physician, what the visit is for and what to expect. I usually read up on this two or three times before I make it to the office.

Today I had a doctors appointment, we're starting the work on doing some genetic testing to see if I am a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis.  Something that I don't usually talk about is the fact that my little brother has CF.
This is a visit that we've known for a while will be necessary for our peace of mind. It's the responsible thing to do. 

As I was visiting with the doctor a multitude of things came up, throughout our conversation (it was a long visit) we discussed my faith. Later in the conversation she made a passing comment that I seemed very well educated on matters pertaining to this visit. I thanked her because it was obviously meant to be a compliment, but it got me to thinking. I wish I could blame my excessive and thorough knowledge simply on my familiarity with the disease because it is in our family. The truth is I know so much because I trust so little.

I don't trust the pilots - I don't have a personal relationship with them.
I don't trust the weather - I can't control it.
Doctors make me nervous - because they can bear bad news.
In short, I don't trust the unknown.

It's really a complete contradiction if you know me in real life.
For as much as I don't trust these things, I am beyond trusting of people I meet and those I know and love.

I know that I need to work on my trust issues.
There isn't anything wrong with being prepared - but some things will always be an unknown factor.

My prayer tonight -

Psalm 20:7
Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

I can see that chariot, and I can see the horse. I can visualize them and have a trusting relationship with that horse. I need to remember that the ultimate trustworthy individual is God - nothing is out of control.

Bad pilots, horrible storms, unplanned diagnosis.
They're all in His plans.

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