Saturday, February 2, 2013

What to Expect when you're Expecting a Wedding - The Dress, Wedding Bliss?

What to Expect when you're Expecting a Wedding
The Dress, Wedding Bliss?

Last weekend I went with my oldest friend in her first foray into wedding dress shopping.
It was supposed to be a "let's see what styles you like" trip that ended in the purchase of a dress!
(which by the way, none of these photos are of the dress)

Before I get on my soapbox, let me first say; I am beyond excited for my friend and her fiance'. This isn't a dig at her by any means, just the whole wedding process - and for what it's worth, I felt this way about my wedding too.
We start the hunt for the "perfect" dress.
Six or so dresses in it's obvious that, so far, there isn't the one. 
Because let's face it - it's a dress. They're all wedding dresses. Each and everyone is pretty in some way. There is a flattering bow on one, or a nice bit of rouching on another - but they're all dresses. They aren't realistically going to elicit the emotional response that Hollywood has set us to believe we should expect. 

Do you usually cry when you buy a dress? No?
Then why would you expect to today?

So while we're waiting on another set of dresses, we have a heart to heart. I can tell she is getting discouraged because she hasn't had that weepy "oh it's so perfect" moment. I'm not suggesting that eventually she shouldn't find a dress that makes her feel beautiful and like a Bride, but it isn't like Love.

I explained what no bride had explained to me -
I didn't have that weepy, it's so perfect moment. It was a pretty dress, it was what I liked and it was in the budget - wah la - my wedding dress.  

There's nothing wrong with you if you don't have an emotional revelation in the fitting room. 
The problem is we expect our weddings and planning our weddings to be like love.
But the wedding isn't Love.
The wedding is an outward symbol and a celebration of love as two embark on Marriage.

I suppose I'm a bit of a cynic when it comes to wedding bliss, but I wish more Brides and former Brides talked about the realistic side of planning a wedding. In my experience as a Bride and as a 5th time Bridesmaid/Maid/tron of Honor, I think we should talk more about the realistic things. when you're engaged women from your past come out of the woodwork wanting to be a bridesmaid creating this awkward tension on the Bride. Or how suggestions from family members may be well meaning but can create horrible pressure on the Bride to be courteous while rebuffing the ideas (usually ludicrous or unreasonable).

Over the next 14 months (the length of their engagement and my walk down memory lane) I plan to talk about the things that no one does. I'm not suggesting we all boycott the wedding industry, heaven knows they got a good chunk of my income a few years ago. I think that weddings aught to be celebrated! After all it is a celebration of love and marriage.
I loved my wedding and I think every girl should have a day to celebrate the start of a beautiful marriage! I just think it's time that we're realistic about what goes into a wedding and what to expect.
If I had known these things, would I have done anything differently? Probably not. But, at least I wouldn't have thought I was alone in the lack of Wedding Bliss department.

A walk down Memory Lane:  One of my very favorite things about the whole wedding experience was the opportunity to get family together that we would never see otherwise.We took every opportunity we had to get all of us together outside the actual wedding and one of my very favorite memories is the Family Breakfast we hosted the Friday morning before the wedding. It is conceivably the only time some of our cousins will ever see each other!

Part Two - When they Pay, they get a Say


  1. Yep - I didn't have a weepy wedding dress moment either. I went dress shopping by myself, found one I really liked that was way too expensive, and then found another one that was exactly the same with a shorter train for half the price. There were no fireworks or tears, but it was a great dress!

    Your friend is lucky to have you as a voice of reason!

  2. You are so right - the wedding itself is not love. People put way too much money and focus on weddings.


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